Blank

I am so ready to have this semester over…ad hopefully reset my circadian rhythm, too!

That's all I've got….

Tumblr Troubles

I've become a rather hooked Tumblr'er (does anyone know the 'correct' term for that…?) since the new computer (Daniel) works so much better with it than Alex ever did. The downside to being drowsy all day and sleeping in every morning, though, is the staying up late…with nothing to read.

Wow, can anyone say first world problems here…?!

That's embarrassing.

Practically Snoring Already

I don't know what to say tonight other than I'm completely done, ready to sleep. I'm so ready for Break to get here; I want to cook and go for walks and not be with people 24/7.

Mostly right now I want to sleep.

To India And Back

Time to boast about my wonderful uni life, my awesome friends, and my great love of sharing obsessions. 

J, my Indian-from-Kenya friend has taught me the art of sari-making. I've talked about how I love Doll Divine before, I do believe, but I'm quite set in my ways, and matching is one of the largest. So…in the sake of spontaneity, J and i spent the evening with friends, first discussing tattoos, then Hinduism, and final (somehow!), we arrived at saris, and the dress-up doll at DD.

Both were modelled after myself (I'll have to get J to do herself soon!), and I thought I'd share.

Our first doll, that came complete with sari-wrapping lessons performed on my old fuzzy blanket.

I was surprised by the purple-ish tone J picked—I can't wear that shade IRL, as it completely washes me out. Nice to dream, though!

Our second, in the style of a modern/traditional Indian wedding. I love how red is used so much—my favourite!

Wedding Mahara. J loved the incorporation of green that she picked, for my own accent I think I might pick a golden/caramel brown, or a teal, perhaps a paler, yellower green if I were to do this over.

Here's the Doll Divine site—I highly recommend spending precious, valuable and productive time there.

Make Me Up, Baby!

So, I've been researching vegan beauty products, and have found a few companies that are pretty cool. Both Rockeresque Beauty Company and Shiro Cosmetics are 100% vegan, and Sweet Leilani is all vegan save for one product.

I've been scrolling through the collections, and have to say, quite a few of the Shiro products I can see me wearing. Some of the Rockeresque, but less, because they tend to be more vibrant where I prefer understated and classic.

I really love Sweet Leilani's complete options, though—foundation, mascara, lip colours…. Lots!

I also have one of Pure Anada's products—their loose foundation in Ivory Chinook (yeah, I'm that white!). I love it, it's the only foundation I'll wear.

So…long story short, folks…buy natural, ethical, vegan makeup. More expensive, but worth the more sustainable product—especially when it's as local as possible!

Tell Me, Telus

For those of you (blessedly) unfamiliar with the service company Telus, a short briefing. Telus offers internet, mobile- and landline-phones, television and a few other online servicey-type whatsits.

They used to be the only company in Alberta, before they were privatized.

They kind of suck major monkey toes.

          (eww)

I've had whole summers full of getting an internet from them, which turned out to be completely their fault. I kid you not.

More recently, I was looking into phones, as my old one was literally falling apart, and not quite practical for what I needed it to do anymore. (Smart phones, and all that.)

A dear, dear friend mentioned that he loved the plan he was on, with Telus.

I took his word for it—on paper it looked pretty awesome.

I ordered my phone almost seven weeks ago. 

I ordered the case for said phone less than a week ago. 

It arrived today.

The phone hasn't even been shipped yet, while I was promised it in 'two-to-three weeks.'

If I go in to talk to a rep, they tell me to call a number (that has been different at each store) to contact Telus.

I HAVE NO PHONE.

Mine has been gone for two months.

I ordered one online because they were backordered in-store, and was told this would be a faster, more assured way of receiving what I wanted.

I'd cancel the order…if they hadn't already taken over two hundred dollars of my money.

I bloody well love this company.

System ReBoot

I get so frustrated sometimes with my body's limitations. How is forty seconds of exercise enough to cause my abdominals to refuse to work right? How can my shoulders, hips, wrists, knees, elbows and sometimes ankles pop in and out of place, as if it's supposed to be that way?

I feel like a broken record today, but all I want is a body that works. No chest pains, no joint malfunctions, no seized muscles, no appendicitis scares….


I want a replacement, where's the warranty on this piece of machinery?!

Ennui

I'm curiously bored right now. I've got work I ought to be doing, I suppose…yet there's a feeling of general nothingness. I can't bear to be with people right now—my roommate and our friends are actively pissing me off. Despite this, I'm lonely.

I know I've been here before, this is such a familiar state of mind to me. The thing is, I never remember how to escape it.

I want something stressful, something sudden, something concrete that I can fix without anything esoteric or theoretical. I want a clear set of tasks that end in happiness and smiles.

I think.

Or maybe I need an in-depth, considered, and fanciful work to create.

Or an old friend to talk to?

Or to be left alone?

I don't know, and that's what bothers me.

I see myself snapping at people I care about, picking and scratching with my words. I see it split seconds after I've done it….

I see myself falsely cheerful around those who I, for whatever reason, deem to be worthy of the façade.

I see the looks, the avoidance, the tension that others are throwing at me.

I see the stacks of food fluctuating—cravings, binges, repulsion.

I see anxiety, worry, fear.

I see anger, frustration, volatility.

I see shaking, failing coordination, and crushing.

Throwing, hitting, kicking.

I see the inevitable regret…and I see when it hides, allowing my to destroy…and I see when it returns, allowing me to wallow.

I want to lose this part of me.

Jazz Hands

This technically counts as last night's post, as I haven't been to bed yet. (0250h, and not a bit of school work in sight!)

I helped…host? (read: bouncer duty)…an event today with my Ambassador team, through our Alumni Office, which is jointed with us.. (As an aside, I seem to collect vases from all the Alumni events I work. I promise, they were freely offered!)

I got to bitch quite lovely-like at some visiting jocks during the reception, and eat veggie (the best carrots in the world), and listen to an awesome concert (Ethiopian Jazz, anyone?!). All in all, a great night.

Medical Magic

I had one of my dizzy-fuzzy-blurry episodes today. I haven't had that is a while, not to that extent. I hate them I usually break out in a cold sweat (that phrase is over used because it's true!) and start to loose the vision around the edges, while it feels like I'm floating yet being faint;y prickled. Ugh. I had to leave choir early, and I couldn't stand to sing while I was there.

I wish my body would work—or at least have predictable triggers. I had a meal right before rehearsal—that often stops the spells. Today, though, it was worse.

I wish I knew what was wrong….

SFAD

I'm excited, and nervous, today—tomorrow is my first Student For A Day touring. I co-run one or two of the events on the schedule, then do the second half by myself. Sort of worried, because it's my first time…I want to do well.

Any tips for confidence boosting…?

Meep

I bemoan the fact that I have no upper body strength…it kind of sucks when the really cool polmoves, the ones that are so incredibly controlled, are either using mega upper-body or mega core strength. Or both. Ugh.

I am weakling, hear me squeak.

LBD, Wrapped

What to write about today? Oh! I found a dress for choir, and shoes to match. Not at all what I originally planned, it's a very form-fitting, short and slightly rouched knit dress. I looked briefly at a more 50's style woven and structured dress, but its casualness led us to decide against it. I'll have to take a photo before our performance next month….

The shoes are alright, low and rather plain, but I don't know what our stands will be like, and i don't want to be standing in spikes for over two hours on something that's unsteady—especially if I'm only getting used to high stilettos.

I suppose that's that for today….

Velociraptored?

Okay, confession time. I read a series of Sherlock fica that are, at the least, crack-tastic. At the worst…a parody of everything sacred.

Despite this, if you can suspend your disbelief for a little while…its so hilariously funny and oddly fitting…. I recommend it, simply for a laugh. Goodness knows I got a few out of it (though this is my kind of comedy)!

So, without further ado, I give you…Intellect and Instincts!!

Enjoy!

Asexy Times

I was reading something on AVEN, which lead to Apositive, which lead to this awesome quote:

"Something I love about being a sex positive asexual are the responses from sexual people I receive. People never expect you to have seen a porno or know what bukkake is, let alone where the G-spot is located or that the real person in control in a dominant-submissive scene is the submissive partner. There is a special kind of joy in being able to talk unflappably about things that turn even your most liberal friends a lovely puce. They want to know why I’m such a pervo and I say that sex is like a restaurant—sexual people find the things they like and stay with that part of the menu, but asexuals (of the sex positive variety) wander by the buffet and check everything out because it’s all odd to us. Sure, some things are at the farther end of the wowwee spectrum, but for the most part it’s all baffling to us. We’re not thinking of ourselves in those situations so it’s more academic and less personal. Sex positive asexuals can be a sex positive sexual’s best ally.

And, of course, we don’t mind listening to you bitch about how annoying sex is, either."

(Read the full post here.)

This, in a few ways, is a great description of me. I confess, I'm completely grossed out by the thought of me in any of the aforementioned menu items (eww, eww, ewwwwww!) but it's fascinating nonetheless.  Once I get into the headspace, it's all interesting—why is that appealing, how does that work, where does that go…?!

I suppose that I take an odd position in regards to sex and 'all that,' but what it comes down to is that I am intellectually intrigued by the existence of sex, and its variations. Yes, I have to be presented the information in a way I can compute it, no, I don't want to try it, but yes, I do want to understand it. 

I've always been interested in sex, from a scientific/'wow, really?!' perspective. Ever since I can remember, it's been something that intrigues me, yet never something that I enjoyed the idea of partaking in. (Some of my hesitance to come out to myself probably stems from that slight confusion!)

Now, though, I'm able to confidently state that yes, I am a homoromantic asexual. I find sex enthralling, the way I would a good novel—I want to learn it, but not live it.

I'm Mahara. This is my brand of crazy. And it's perfectly sane.

LBDing?

I need to go shopping soon—but I'll be going against everyone's advice, and buying black clothes. All black, in fact. Why? Choir season is coming up! I want something that I can wear equally for the afternoon and the evening concerts, and the winter and spring ones.

With that in mind…I will become a fashion blog!

Which do you prefer?

A few suggestions—anything you have to offer up?

Staked

Yesterday, I had my first pole aerobics class. Oh my goodness. My arms are so bloody sore, I'm struggling to type. An amazing workout…simply very exhausting. Looking forward to next Tuesday, but not the next few days.

I suppose one I get used to lifting over seventy-five kilos at a time for hour(s) non-stop, it'll get better. One way to gain upper body strength!

Right now, I feel as weak as a vampire in the sunrise. With garlic and stakes dangling above me.

Bring Me Down

This song. In a few ways, it has no relevance to me…but in others…to put it bluntly, this song makes me feel lost. I have a person that I want to be beside, all the time—a person I crossed the Atlantic to move on from, and found myself constantly wishing for. My time with her was limited, but prolonged, as she's still one of my dear friends. 

I think that hurts the most. Knowing I talk to her…and can't ever say the words that are always there.

Trimmed To Travel

I've been (sketchily) following the BodyRock program, and doing some more walking and jogging. Tonight I've got a 2100h jogging date with some girls on my floor—night jogging, ready, okay!

I don't know what that was about—apparently I'm on a cheer squad, too…?

Couldn't hurt. For me, the hardest part is getting up to do the workouts—especially if I don't have to be up for a while. Hmph. Once I get past the first week, though, I'll be getting through it easier as it becomes a routine. Definitely looking forward to it!

On another note…I'm looking into going abroad again this summer (the travel bug seems to hit me around this time each year…). This summer it would be a working holiday to Ireland, for May-mid August. I'd be doing this via the SWAP program, and have a one-year visa to Ireland. The reason I'm holding off on France and the UK is simply because I don't want to only have three and a half months there—I want the full life of my visa. One year for France, two for UK.

I can see me living and working in Edinburgh, travelling up to Stirling and around Loch Ness, down to London, visiting the southern parts of the island…hmm.

I can equally see my self in France, perhaps back in the Bordeilles region that I was in last year.

I also considered Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, but I think Ireland would be the country I'd be most okay with visiting for only three months—especially since I've already been there. I've toured it, now I want to live it!

Sherlock

I'm a fairly avid fanfiction reader (you have no idea how long it's taken for me to come out if the fic closet and say that!), and love Sherlock fics. A dear friend turned me onto them months ago, despite me not having watched the series. Today…I was inspired to watch it.

Oh my goodness, I love it.

Sherlock is my kind of character—brilliant, slightly aloof, set in his ways…and with a heart, squirrelled away in there. (Watch The Great Game—I dare you to say that man is cold. He might not show his heart the way we do, but he's got one and it's fairly huge.)

My roomie probably thinks I'm crazier than usual, what with my honest-to-fandom squees and whatnot.

Definitely going to be watching Series Two as soon as I get through these midterms!!

What's your favourite fandom? (Either the one you follow, or the one you would….)