Google Thyself

So because I'm a paranoid job-hunter, I searched my name on Google today, to see what was brought up. Nothing particularly horrid or wonderful, but there were a few things that I'd forgotten that i had memberships at, ant they showed up. Hmm. Too late to do anything about that, now—nothing incriminating, though, I think.  An old website from where I had worked for years showed p, and a few things affiliated with that….

Happy to not that less than two pages in, there was no longer anything related to me showing up. FOr me, that's a plus, because it's minimal exposure.

How often do you Google yourself, for a quick check? What's a satisfactory amount of hits?

TV and Black-Outs

So, I actually sort of have a legitimate reason for my absence this time. (Only sort of!)
I have some pretty complicated, and undiagnosable, health issues. I've had chest pains in varying intensities, frequencies and types since I was about four, and dizzy spells leading to fuzzy vision, hearing that is both staticky and far to loud, like ocean waves pounding over the sound of your grandparent's crappy TV. That's actually what I used to call it—a 'TV static' moment, where my vision…sparkled (?)…with static, I couldn't see clearly if at all, everything was lagged, my skin felt prickly, I felt floaty and airy, but unable to consciously lift my limbs—though often my arms would start rising, almost surprising me each time. (I could go on, but this isn't a cheerful topic!)

A few days ago, I was getting up late (read: lazy uni student) and felt a bit…eh. Actually, it wasn't a hugely TV day, though I have been having more and more lately, with more physical side-effects (until Saturday's cleared, I couldn't walk straight and was weaving across the hallway to sort of 'bounce' my way towards the washroom). Nevertheless, I took the ~three steps to my door, reached out for the handle,





and came to. On my back, with a twisted sort of movie playing in my head of falling off my bed—no, that was the roomie's bed—why was I on her bed—can't have fallen, my feet are to far away—holy shit, those are my feet. Pointing up. Oddly coloured (sepia toned?). Look at my legs, trace my body as far as I can until—my head. Damn, my head hurts Is that what that sound was? My head hitting the floor? My left side, along the back of my hip and shoulder in two distinct points, hurts. Tender. Must have fallen first. Hit first? Landed first.

I fell. It was literally like swimming, floating up to the surface of some brown-scale, gold-toned pool, perfectly horizontal (my body), struggling (my sense of 'fightthisfightthisnow') I didn't know where I was, for far longer than I'd like to quantify. I'm almost certain my arms were simultaneously raised, floating and beyond my control in an anti-gravity field—and weighted down beyond my abilities to raise. So heavy. (I really couldn't tell you which was real, and which was the hallucination [that's what it was, right? Do people have those when they pass out? Is this normal, as normal as I can be?].)

I lay there, finding out where I was, what my body was able to do, how to get it moving and thinking and breathing and alive again. I struggled to my feet, made my way to the bathroom, and went about my shaky, wobbly day. (read: crawled back in bed and didn't leave the floor until work)

After I worked, with a glass of juice by my side, and a hand on something to support me whenever possible, I was driven to the hospital (twelve hours after the…attack? Blackout? Spell?!) and was deemed 'fine.' Bloodwork, ECG, blood pressure, sugar, pupils, all of it.

The thing is, I've had TV mornings every day since. I'm terrified of this happening again, because as normal as the TV days are, and each instance usually only lasts a few seconds unless I've experienced trauma to bring it on, the blackout is completely new. I cannot recall this ever happening before. I never want it to happen again. I want my body to work, to function, to excel whenever possible.

Berry Sweet

I love fresh fruit. I've recently finished a basket of raspberries, and while I know they're not exactly fresh, coming from the store this time of year…mmm, they're so good, either way!

Chosen

I am so incredibly lucky in the friends I have. Those who are close, and actually have tajen the time to get past my rather prickly exterior…the ones that stay are amazing.

In the last twenty-four hours, I've had two different people, in different situations, offer their homes to me for the summer if I need it and cannot find another place to live. I am in awe by the love expressed.

For people to give this much, simply because I am struggling with my situation. I love the people who have chosen to remain a part of my life.

Recipe Lust

I spent a lovely afternoon today searching through the VeganBaking.Net site. Gah, so many of my favourite things, veganized and ready to try! Puff pasty, pain au chocolat, condensed milk (for a Brazilian dessert that I'm told I have to try), vegan butter, french toast, pancakes, crêpes, chocolate-hazelnut cheesecake…that's only the sweet stuff, too!

So, on that note, I'm going to write out the ingredients for the brigadeiro before I forget. I was simply relayed this verbally, with no real instructions, so I actually have no idea how to truly create the dessert…only what's needed to do so.

1 can condensed milk (how much is this, anyway…?!)
1 tablespoon butter
3 tablespoons cocoa

…That's it. Really.

I-Week Impromptu

I was part of a semi-impromptu fashion show today! Well, it was impromptu for me as of last night, I didn't even know about it until I was walking home from work and stopped by the setting-up. Next thing you know, I've volunteered and have two outfits done and ready.

I wish I knew where to find the photos from today, but I'm not sure where they'd be posted, so I'll have to inform you that it was lovely, and use your imagination to picture me in satin African-style garb. It was definitely a neat thing to do, and I'd love to be a part of next year, too. My school does International Week (I-Week) every January, and it's been really interesting so far.

On a slightly different, but related note, I got a Brazilian wish bracelet today. 

(Forgive the atrocious lighting, I'm trying to let the roomie sleep.) It's tied three times, and each knot is a wish. It's said that when the bracelet (naturally!) falls off, your wishes have come true. If there's any Brazilians out there that want to correct/expand on that, please feel free!

Ha-Ha-Hair

Continuing the recent trend of vanity-related blogs: I had my hair chopped today. Roughly six inches, which is such a shift for me. Ugh, I want all my hair back, but not as unhealthy as it was. Boo. I wish it grew faster!

Settle

At long last, I have new boots! This might seem entirely trivial, but for a while there, after my last ones broke, I had no footwear other than summer heels, a pair of flats, and some semi-functional thingies that left the whole top of my foot exposed. None of these are conducive to actually walking, even for short campus-cross distances, in increasing snow and dropping temperatures.

Hence, today I bought a pair of camel/tan pleather boots that are far too trendy for my taste, but they work for what I need. I can be picky later when my size isn't limiting to the one shoe I can (almost) fit. I mean, really—I always have a difficult time shoe shopping, but I literally could not find any pair that fit well. These are the closest, and they've no arch support while pinching my big toe on one foot.

How hard is it to make a size forty-three/forty-four in something classy, brown and multi-purpose—without being clunky and 'work boots?!' My big feet do not mean I want to sacrifice style, dang it!

Crawling Connection

My internet connection has been, sadly, steadily slowing down over the last twenty-four hours. I'm really hoping that the University's update tomorrow morning will help that—otherwise, I don't know what do to, because I'm really not tech savvy enough to distinguish between the computer itself having issues, or the connection.

Does anyone have any hot tips for this? I'm quite frustrated, as this is a new computer as of November, and this shouldn't be happening!

Missed Chance

I'm quite disappointed tonight—I was planning to go to a concert to support the local theatre, but due to our inability to find out whether tickets were available at the door or not, we weren't able to go.  A friend that was involved in the set-up sent us a message part way through that they were, in fact, being sold, but at that time I'd already settled down with tumblr and random stories to read, whereas the roomie was busy watching Japanese cartoons.

Pity. I even ironed a dress and everything for tonight, I was really looking forward to seeing the show. Next time, I hope!

Black and Blue

Well, my bruises from Wednesday are ripening up quite wonderfully—I have blue/purple blotches on my hip, knee and an odd little black square on the inside base of my thumb. There's tender spots all over my right side, and my whole arm is achy.

I have to do something about this talent for inadvertently injuring myself. It's not exactly healthy.

Setlist

I'm really looking forward to choir this semester—a quick list of the titles I egt to sing:

Erghen Diado
Lake Isle of Innisfree
Duleman

There's more, but it's time to go to sleep. I'm excited, though.

Ever So Coordinated!

So my mystery follower decided to stay quiet…hmm. Pity, I like meeting new people!

What did I do today? I co-wrote a poem for a friend's English class, wrote a long (and slightly overdue) email, and had a marvellous fall.

I've damaged my knee, arm (wrist, forearm and elbow especially) and hipbone of the right side of my body. It hurts. I'm really hoping it's going to not going to need a doctor's visit, because that means paperwork…. I'll probably ignore it until it goes away, to be honest.

Q & A

Continuing the trend of Mahara talking about her sleep habits: I think I'm going to bed early.

For you, Mystery Person Who Reads This Every Night, feel free to introduce yourself. What part of that States are you in? What about my blog is so interesting to read right after I post most nights, and relatively soon after if that isn't the case?

Body Clock

What to write about tonight? Ugh. I've been so tired lately, but it's hitting at odd times—from ~1800h-~1930h I'm exhausted, but when I laze about for a while, so as to not go to bed too early and muss up my sleep schedule (and because the roomie is still up and about at that time), I lose my sleepiness and can't seem to fid it again until nearly 0100h the next morning. I'm not impressed with my body clock right now.

Of course it would be easier if I could nap, but nooooo, my body's too persnickety for that, and won't. shut. off!!

Ever so frustrating. Especially as all my classes start in the relatively early morning this semester (which I am actually quite pleased about, truth be told).

New Friends…

I love meeting new people—and especially when we share such important traits. I'm going to go revel in my awesome new friendship now!

Recipe Reminiscense

I've always loved reading cookbooks, and tweaking with the recipes (as any long-time follower can attest to!), and the switch to a plant-based diet is offering so many more challenges and opportunities that I'm really looking forward to.

For example: baked goods, quinoa, polenta (I've recently become able to stomach it), all the 'old favourites,' tofu smoothies, tofu stir-fries, and so many things more that I can't think to name at the moment!

The one thing I'd like more about not living in res would be the ability to freely experiment with my food….

Room-mance

I'm finding having a roommate quite interesting—I've learned so much. Mine is very much involved in her religion, and it's been really good for me to be around that, I think.

I always thought of myself as a tolerant, accepting type of person, but being with K has really helped me be more honest in that—less lip service, if you will. She's always open to questions and semi-debates, which has really been beneficial.

(No, I don't know where I'm going with this. I simply figured I'd share a little love for my awesome roommate and her patience with me. Not everybody will spray you to wake you up, you know.)

Future Reading List…?

I'm really confused as to why there was a spike in my blog yesterday…totally out of the norm.

Anyhoo.

My roomie is currently describing her novel ideas…and as cheesy as they are, and geared towards a younger audience than I usually would read for, I'd probably read them. (Well, not the sappy romance stuff, but that's always been the case. Overly sappy/cheesy is simply annoying.)

I'm going to stop typing now, so I can pay more attention. I shall keep an eye out for her name in YA novels for future reference…!

Lack Of Communication

I missed my first session of a class I've been quite looking forward to—my Intro to Oral Communication. Why did I miss it?

I couldn't find the classroom. That's so very much a first-year mistake….

The prof emailed me about it, too…. Friday's class shall be interesting.

Sin Auld Lang Syne

I was researching today, in a very modern and lazy manner, the meaning of Auld Lang Syne. I've always been interested by the song,  as I identify fairly strongly with my Scottish roots (M. Mac Tavish was my great-grandmother) and always want to learn more about it. When I was in Edinburgh a while back (incidentally one of my favourite cities to be in), I purchased swatches of my clan tartan to have shipped back to Canada after I returned. I'm quite proud that I'm the one of my family to return to Scotland after Great-Grandma left, decades ago. 

Anyway, Auld Lang Syne. It's really a beautiful poem—I've discovered I seem to quite like Robbie Burns. Here's a (Wikipedia-sourced) copy of the lyrics, and translated into modern English, too. (It tends to make sense if you sort of mouth it along in a Scots accent, but the translation is helpful for clarification.)

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

and never brought to mind ?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

and auld lang syne* ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my jo,

for auld lang syne,

we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp !

and surely I’ll be mine !

And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae run about the braes,

and pu’d the gowans fine ;

But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,

sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn,

frae morning sun till dine ;

But seas between us braid hae roar’d

sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !

and gie's a hand o’ thine !

And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,

for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

and never brought to mind ?

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

and old lang syne ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup of kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !

and surely I’ll buy mine !

And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,

and picked the daisies fine ;

But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,

since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,

from morning sun till dine^† ;

But seas between us broad have roared

since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !

And give us a hand o’ thine !

And we’ll take a right good-will draught,

for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

I think it's lovely. I definitely would like to get in the tradition of singing it, and the customary circle as well. 

 

Believe It Or Not…

This is a beautifully written post…about me going to bed late again.

On The (Air) Road Again!

Well, here I am, waiting for my first flight of 2013 to take off and literally all I can think of is how bloody glad I am to get the hell out of the north and all it means to me. If I were in a metaphorical mood, I’d wax poetic about how the coldness of the place reflects the coldness of the more ‘human’ atmosphere, but I’m not in a mood to do so. Besides, the World Wide We is hardly a place to air my dirty laundry in such a traceable way. The people I’m speaking of might find it.

On a happier note, tonight I get to call my best friend again (missed you, babe!) and sleep in my bed, with my pillows and my view. As this is a combination of tree branches, the dorms across from me and a road, you can tell it’s really something special. I’ll have to show you sometime.

Ah, I amuse me. What else can I waste out collective time with?

Oh! I was reading Kimberly Gould’s most recent blog post, and turns out that Cargon: Duty and Sacrifice is nearly ready to be on my shelf! She’s reading the…______ (can’t remember the term), which means it’s all set up in book format, and all that’s left—assuming I understand and remember correctly, ha!—is title art and press! Fantastically exciting. (As I’m typing this, I’m reading it back in a British accent. Do it with me, it makes everything classier. Try it. Read ‘buggery fuck’ in proper English, and all of a sudden, you’re proper when you insult people!)

(Yes, I have a slightly unhealthy adoration for the British accent. No, I shan’t change that.)

Looks like we might be getting ready to at least do safety announcements…so I suppose I’ll bugger off now and read my lovely fanfic while I wait for four hours to get to Edmonton. Camrose, here I come!

Prodigal Placement

Three weeks later, the prodigal blogger returns. For those of you that didn’t catch where I was, I’ve spent the last three weeks in Atlin, BC, visiting my mother and her household. It’s a beautifully lovely spot, tiny but picturesque. Anyone that knows me, though, knows how much the cold does not agree with me.

I do love the view of mountains, and I can get on a pair of downhill skis and have a blast—I even love outdoor skating (preferably on a pond/lake/river). However, these are short-lived pastimes for me—a few days is plenty skiing before I get sore and probably do some damage to the brain matter I have left, the way I knock it about. (Watching me fall has got to be hilarious, last time I fell so hard that, even though I fell head-first, down the hill, I ended up feet-first. My head apparently likes to fulcrum the rest of my body. Jolly good.)

If I’m going to be cold, I ought to be doing something exhilarating to make up for the steady stream of ‘coldcoldbloodybleepitiscold’ thoughts that run through my mind. Skating can do this, though I prefer that in moderately ‘warm’ temperatures (by sub-zero standards) so I can be lazy and meander, or pretend I know what I’m doing and go ‘fast.’ 

Cross-country skiing has never floated my boat—too plodding and slow, the way I learned—and walking in the snowy woods isn’t me cup of tea. Walking in snow is horrid, it’s like sand, the way it sucks your feet down and drags at you. The massive boots needed to stay marginally warm don’t help that, either.

All in all, I suppose what I’m saying is that, while cold is okay to visit if you have an activity to do, or a stack of good books and a fire (an unlimited internet connection can easily be subbed in place of books, I am a child of the information era after all), the lack of these makes it truly…miserable. Throw in a ‘family’ situation that is less than ideal, and you have Mahara, going stir crazy after a week. Three of them…hurgh.

To demonstrate my frustration, I wrote all this in about ten minutes on Thursday. I don’t even get to get on a plane for another four days. I don’t leave this house for three. I’ve literally read every book of interest here at least once, read all my pre-loaded internet fics as much as possible before a foolish keystroke quit my browser and lost the really good and long ones that I was saving for the next few days (somebody save me). I’ve watched nearly all the interesting movies, and rented more when that fails. I walked  half an hour into town (and another to get back) to spend half an hour on an internet-equipped computer before the local ‘uni’ campus (ha! If there’s more than five rooms I’ll be shocked!) closes.

I’m so bloody bored and exhausted, I’ve taken to sleeping ten, eleven, twelve hours a day, simply to while away as many hours as I can. This is the longest post I’ve written in months, and I don’t imagine it’ll be the only one I write in the next few days.

I want to go home. Now!!