TV and Black-Outs

So, I actually sort of have a legitimate reason for my absence this time. (Only sort of!)
I have some pretty complicated, and undiagnosable, health issues. I've had chest pains in varying intensities, frequencies and types since I was about four, and dizzy spells leading to fuzzy vision, hearing that is both staticky and far to loud, like ocean waves pounding over the sound of your grandparent's crappy TV. That's actually what I used to call it—a 'TV static' moment, where my vision…sparkled (?)…with static, I couldn't see clearly if at all, everything was lagged, my skin felt prickly, I felt floaty and airy, but unable to consciously lift my limbs—though often my arms would start rising, almost surprising me each time. (I could go on, but this isn't a cheerful topic!)

A few days ago, I was getting up late (read: lazy uni student) and felt a bit…eh. Actually, it wasn't a hugely TV day, though I have been having more and more lately, with more physical side-effects (until Saturday's cleared, I couldn't walk straight and was weaving across the hallway to sort of 'bounce' my way towards the washroom). Nevertheless, I took the ~three steps to my door, reached out for the handle,





and came to. On my back, with a twisted sort of movie playing in my head of falling off my bed—no, that was the roomie's bed—why was I on her bed—can't have fallen, my feet are to far away—holy shit, those are my feet. Pointing up. Oddly coloured (sepia toned?). Look at my legs, trace my body as far as I can until—my head. Damn, my head hurts Is that what that sound was? My head hitting the floor? My left side, along the back of my hip and shoulder in two distinct points, hurts. Tender. Must have fallen first. Hit first? Landed first.

I fell. It was literally like swimming, floating up to the surface of some brown-scale, gold-toned pool, perfectly horizontal (my body), struggling (my sense of 'fightthisfightthisnow') I didn't know where I was, for far longer than I'd like to quantify. I'm almost certain my arms were simultaneously raised, floating and beyond my control in an anti-gravity field—and weighted down beyond my abilities to raise. So heavy. (I really couldn't tell you which was real, and which was the hallucination [that's what it was, right? Do people have those when they pass out? Is this normal, as normal as I can be?].)

I lay there, finding out where I was, what my body was able to do, how to get it moving and thinking and breathing and alive again. I struggled to my feet, made my way to the bathroom, and went about my shaky, wobbly day. (read: crawled back in bed and didn't leave the floor until work)

After I worked, with a glass of juice by my side, and a hand on something to support me whenever possible, I was driven to the hospital (twelve hours after the…attack? Blackout? Spell?!) and was deemed 'fine.' Bloodwork, ECG, blood pressure, sugar, pupils, all of it.

The thing is, I've had TV mornings every day since. I'm terrified of this happening again, because as normal as the TV days are, and each instance usually only lasts a few seconds unless I've experienced trauma to bring it on, the blackout is completely new. I cannot recall this ever happening before. I never want it to happen again. I want my body to work, to function, to excel whenever possible.